3am is a good time for making creative decisions, I think -- it frees up the creative brain when the rational naysayer is falling asleep. Personally, I like 2nd person present tense, though I don't know if it's plausible to sustain it over a long piece.

Particularly like You squint at the package again, then at the box it came in, to see if it did mention anything about the ingredients being illegal, immoral, inconceivably awful or just plain deadly.