March Pico 2018, Day 5

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Here is the place to talk about your progress (or the lack of it) and share bits with us.
May the magic be with us all!

Comments

[elmey.livejournal.com]

Worked on my wip this morning, more re-writing with a few new things inserted. Snippet below, more drama of course :) It's a long paragraph, I need to think about ways to break it up and make it an easier read maybe. But that's for the next edit. I'll have to come back later and comment on the comments I missed yesterday!


He arrived at Headquarters early, he did most days;  early enough for the night duty officers to report to him personally, it it told him more than reading  their logs could.   Today, he detoured on his way to his office, went  downstairs and stopped by the windows overlooking the pool. Only one swimmer, lapping back and forth, the powerful stroke steady as a metronome. He'd always believed that answers could be found, oh, not for all problems, but for enough to make it worth the attempt to fix what one could. It informed his stewardship of UNCLE. Yet over the years mistakes had taken their toll. Back and forth; he watched the water churn around the swimmer then calmly smooth again behind him. He took a deep breath. No, not everything could be fixed, but he had to believe what now mattered could.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

No, not everything could be fixed, but he had to believe what now mattered could.

That is definitely the spirit. But who is the swimmer? Or is it insignificant?

[elmey.livejournal.com]

It's Illya, but the swimming itself isn't super important in the big picture.

[fiorenza-a.livejournal.com]

See, I was drawn by that before I knew Illya was swimming.

Wrestling unwieldy paragraphs into shape isn't easy, I know I don't always manage it myself. It's on my 'must improve' list.

[spikesgirl58.livejournal.com]

Ooo, who is he watching? The mystery deepens...

[elmey.livejournal.com]

It's Illya he's watching, I just needed the scene to have a bit of color so wet!Illya :)

[spikesgirl58.livejournal.com]

Mmmmm, wet!Illya! Always a win. :D

[vysila.livejournal.com]

I quite like the little details here, the night officers reporting personally, the swimmer's strokes like a metronome, the way the water churns and smooths out. Sometimes the solution is found in the details, yes?

Is this Waverly?

[elmey.livejournal.com]

Yes, it's Waverly! I like putting the characters in a textured setting, though it's easy to overdo it so much editing ahead.

[sallymn.livejournal.com]

Sometimes a long paragraph just doesn't ,em>want to be broken... are the ones around it shorter?