Day 29

[vilakins.livejournal.com]

Here's today's prompt for you to post your updates and any excerpts and thoughts etc in comments.

Comments

[azdak.livejournal.com]

I've had another go at the heist scene. We're getting there...

"It's his art collection they're after, the driver said so," opined a more informed individual, nodding in the direction of the van. The word spread instantly.
"... a whole house full of valuables. Paintings and statues and whatnot..."
"... degenerate? I should say so!..."
"... shouldn't be allowed...."
"... always thought that it was an unfortunate policy to allow so many important works of art to be concentrated in the hands of Jewish...."
"... some remarkably fine pieces..."
"... makes you sick just to look at that stuff ..."
"... years of investment in the arts..."
"... whole rooms with nothing but statues of naked ladies..."
"... worth a small fortune, I should think..."
"... millions of shillings..."
"... a king's ransom..."
Having had their hopes raised to such a pitch, the crowd was disappointed when two of the Goldberg servants came tottering through the front door, carrying only a single painting. It was swaddled in blankets for protection, and Mr Goldberg hovered over it in an agony of concern, like a mountainous mother hen.

[kalinda001.livejournal.com]

Crowds...bleah.

Very nice commentary scene showing the prejudices of the crowd and nice contrast at the end when it finally comes out.

[azdak.livejournal.com]

Crowds are scary. This is a nice well-behaved crowd, possibly because it's not very big.

[vilakins.livejournal.com]

I see Mr Goldberg is quite an actor himself! :-)

[azdak.livejournal.com]

He doesn't have to fake concern for the painting! The histrionics he leaves to Trina. (Although having said that, I have been toying with a possible plot twist that it is an entirely different painting under that blanket... It depends which version pays off better further down the line).

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

I was assuming that that was the entire purpose of the blanket! The device of the neighbours POV seems to be resolving your question of how to write this quite nicely.

I like the depiction of Mr Goldberg as a "mountainous mother hen"!

[azdak.livejournal.com]

Nah, the blanket comes from pictures of various Allied countries wrapping up and storing their works of art in a desperate effort to save them from the Nazis. And when you think about it, you don't want your very expensive Klimt getting scratched in transit, do you? But it seems so clumsy to have the blankets fall off at a crucial moment solely in order to let the neighbours see exactly which painting is getting pinched, and that, of course, opens up various other possibilities.

I am surprised - but pleased - at the popularity of the "mountainous mother hen" :-)

[vilakins.livejournal.com]

Well, it's beautifully graphic!

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

Come to that, the movers used blankets round my cheap posters in clip frames (didn't entirely work!).

Clumsiness must at all costs be avoided.

[azdak.livejournal.com]

the movers used blankets round my cheap posters in clip frames

See? All professional art moving requires blankets.

[sallymn.livejournal.com]

That's very well done, managing to get a lot of atmosphere and tension through the scraps and torn bits of dialogue.

And I love the image "like a mountainous mother hen." :)

[azdak.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm not completely happy with it yet, but it's an awful lot better - and shorter - than it was.

[stevie-carroll.livejournal.com]

Getting there indeed. Some great bits of commentary in there.

[azdak.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[elmey.livejournal.com]

That dialogue really works well. And I'm joining the crowd that likes "mountainous mother hen", it's easy to visualize.

[azdak.livejournal.com]

*cluck cluck cluck*

It's cheating, really, because "mother hen" is such an established image for concern - but on the other hand, nothing else works as well!

[akane42me.livejournal.com]

I've got a lot of catching up to do with Music II and BPE on Pico.
Looking forward to it!