Day 7 (Team July)

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Here is the post to update with any extracts, thoughts, or comments you might have for today.

I'm saying good-bye for a week, leaving you in the most capable hands of elmey until Day 15. Happy writing!

Comments

[six-old-cars.livejournal.com]

Oh dear, no update for most of the week! Partly that's because I wasn't managing any writing, but largely because it's been raining and therefore my phone line hasn't been working.
Anyway, in respect of the not writing, today was a Cambridge NaNo group write-in so I went along to that and the muse returned unto me. I clocked up 1700 words at the write-in plus several more this evening, bringing my total for July so far to

Ah, but which bit to snippet.... How about the bit I'm not really sure on the flow of (plus surrounding context):

"Today's third traitor," deSalle said, "is surely the youngest yet." The bundle of rags that stumbled on contained a girl, her blonde hair tangled and matted, her features gaunt and yet her expression defiant. She looked at the camera.
"Oh god!" Catherine whimpered. "Anna!" There was no mistaking her even in that state, even with the malnutrition and the bruises.
Catherine's gut churned. She thought she would throw up. She wanted to run but was frozen to the spot. She couldn't even look away as she desperately wished for a miracle, for some intervention to save her friend.
The soldiers pushed the three victims together on the stage. They stepped back, drew their guns. 'Please god, now,' Catherine thought, ' stop them now.'
Three loud retorts. Three wet thuds. Three bodies in pools of blood.
Catherine ran. She wasn't sure how she'd got out of the room, let alone the house. She knew only running and the urge to scream, bottled up for fear of being heard. She ran out past the rail cutting. She ran past the factories. She ran deep into the woods. Finally she let out her scream.
"Bastards!" she yelled. "Evil, sadistic bastards!" She collapsed to her knees. "Why?" she cried. "Why her?" She slumped to the ground, pounding her fist in the mud.
She sobbed until she could sob no more, curled up under a bush. "You'll pay for this," she croaked. "You will." She had no idea how she meant to follow through on that promise, but it gave her strength just to make it. She sat up. "Death to all Arcturans!" she muttered, then looked around. She was definitely alone. "Death to all Arcturans!" she shouted.

[elmey.livejournal.com]

I don't know about the context, but the flow of this is fine; tense and dramatic.

[ideealisme.livejournal.com]

Three loud retorts. Three wet thuds. Three bodies in pools of blood.

That's chilling. The briefest and most effective description of an execution I've read for some time. And it shows the roots of Catherine's extremism.

[saki101.livejournal.com]

The situation is deteriorating fast. How much time has passed since Catherine last saw Anna?

The action flowed fine from my view.

[six-old-cars.livejournal.com]

How much time has passed since Catherine last saw Anna?
I've left that slightly vague but it's only in the order of a few weeks. Yes, things are happening very fast. Arcturan efficiency, you know.

[stevie-carroll.livejournal.com]

Very vividly conveyed there.

[jenn-calaelen.livejournal.com]

Yay for progress!

Poor Anna and Catherine!

[vilakins.livejournal.com]

Oh no!

I hope Catherine's more successful than Anna was.