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picowrimo2012-07-07 09:49 pm
elmey.livejournal.com) wrote in picowrimo2012-07-07 09:49 pm
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Day 8 (Team July)
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wiseheart is off carousing (I hope) on a well deserved vacation, and I'll be leaving the prompt posts for the next week.So here's today's prompt for your updates and any extracts, thoughts, or comments you might have.
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***
John listened outside the door. It was silent within. Rest. What Sherlock had been doing for months had clearly allowed him little time for it. Pain was exhausting; John knew, of course, and he had an idea of how much chemical burns hurt. Biochemical burns. John corrected himself and his eyes dropped to his hands.
He had been afraid of skin to skin contact near the wounds, had managed to avoid it while debriding and disinfecting them. John had wanted Mike or Molly to do it, but Sherlock had been adamant in his refusal.
“I may hurt you by accident,” John said and his hands clenched at the idea of it and the memory of Molly exclaiming and shaking her finger after he had kissed it, how his lips had thrummed from touching the tiny pinprick.
“I’m tired, John,” Sherlock had replied as if that summed up everything.
***
Would appreciate views on my use of the past perfect. I have been lectured on its modern usage and that I tend to overuse it. This bit includes a flashback within a flashback though.
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I'm going to be interested in seeing the replies on past perfect--I think it's fine in this scene. I use it a lot in the type of flashbacks I do, though when the scene gets long it seems awkward and I tend to drift into past tense. I have been called on that at times, and am now constantly conflicted because as a reader, it seems to me if the switch is done the right way, it's not noticeable and gives the scene a better flow.
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Yes, that past perfect issue is one I struggle with a lot. I glean that the modern approach is to establish the timeframe with some use of it initially and then shift to past tense. Sometimes that sounds all right to me and sometimes it seems too conversational, so my "hads" go in and out and occasionally back in again!
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interesting developments :)
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Phase 3 -- July's writing:
Another good step forward today. Edward is back in Italy, and is looking after Rupert after the pair of them were woken by a storm:
Rupert was fretting. Consolata had managed to sleep through the storm that had woken both Edward and the baby. Now all was calm again, the best thing was to let her rest. Edward slid out of the bed, scooped up his child and then went in search of a bottle.
The plan was successful in so much as Rupert fell asleep again almost before he'd finished feeding. Edward, however, found himself awake with only his thoughts for company. He hadn't stayed in London long enough on his return from Derbyshire to discover the extent of the repercussions from Jones' death. Instead he'd interviewed four nannies, all outstanding graduates of Norland College, and then packed his bags and flown back out to his family by way of Milan.
All the nannies seemed highly capable, and only one had expressed surprise that Edward was interviewing them by himself. The other three had also responded favourably to his hints that the child's mother might not always be around, and that it might sometimes be necessary to go away himself for possibly weeks at a time, with neither wife nor child accompanying him. He wondered how they would respond if he decided not to live in London after all. It might be safer if he closed down operations, transferred the majority of his holdings back into his own name and made himself scarce for a while. Edinburgh was a definite option, and had the advantage that Rupert could go to his assigned school without being too far from his parents.
Tomorrow, Edward discovers a flaw in his plans...
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Edward isn't planning anything specifically bad for Consolata, but he's not enitrely convinced she won't eventually strop off over his various plans to uproot people with very little notice or consultation.
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Good scene! It is great to see Edward making plans - even if they are all going to go wrong...
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I did a little more work on the Napoleon/Lermontov conversation. Napoleon hears a name that sounds familiar:
Ah...Illya had used the name in Vienna, afterwards. Napoleon remembered a body; the face barely glimpsed. Three shots, a triangle of blood spreading across a man's back. Not the first man he'd killed without knowing his name, nor the last whose face he'd forget.
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Three shots, a triangle of blood spreading across a man's back.
Succinct, vivid and sooo cold. Brilliant.
Good luck with the image hunt.
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I was looking for pictures of the pool's locker room, I figured it was unlikely I'd find anything. Though these pics have a better view of the passageway from the changing room to the pool. And there's some sort of a structure underneath the diving board too. I'm sure I can come up with something ;)
http://ussr-swimming.ru/history/swimpool-moscow.htm
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That is another amazing photo. If one takes away some of the peripheral images of cars and winter trees, doesn't it look like something that should be in a sci-fi cityscape? You may need to take some poetic licence with the internal architecture, although I can see why you would love to have had some interior shots to use.
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Great detail in this - it says a lot about the character.
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Good luck tomorrow evening!
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Firiel meets King Araphant for the first time...
"Welcome to Fornost, Lady Firiel." His voice sounded harsh to her ears. "I see that your people have remained more like the Elves that we all claim descent from. You are very decorative like that and prettier than the messengers implied."
"Thank you, my lord king," she said, curtseying slightly.
"Well, we have got you here safely - the next step is to get you married and settled. The wedding can not be tomorrow as I have an inspection planned, but the next day is soon enough."
"I can not marry until my escort arrived," she said firmly. "My parents sent them to witness the wedding."
He scowled at her. "It is already getting into the campaigning season and I need myself and Arvedui in the field. When do you expect them?"
"I expect they are a few days behind as there is a larger group and much more baggage. Perhaps it would be better to allow ten days for them to get here." Arvedui replied.
The king snorted. "I suppose you think Angmar will give us that time?"
"Maybe, but it would give you time to ride out and consult with the commanders on the border, as you said you wished to."
"Might not get back that quickly, depending on the situation, but you can handle anything else, and there is no real need for a specified day."
Arvedui looked sideways at Firiel. She shrugged slightly.
"Very well, Father," he replied.
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I see that Firiel will not have to worry about too much pomp and circumstance surrounding her wedding. They'll fit it into the military plans as best they can. It's encouraging that Arvedui is speaking up on her behalf, so that Firiel doesn't have to stand her ground alone (especially about the witnesses).
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*nods* She is trying to cope with the situation - and Arvedui can see that and so he is trying to help (whereas if she was being all bratty about it, he would probably not...)
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King Araphant is very much a warrior king isn't he. Blunt and not particularly interested in protocol. Arvedui seems to have a better sense of social niceties--luckily for Firiel :)
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*nods* Arvedui is partly trying because he is going to be married to Firiel whether either of them like it or not, and he would prefer it not to be a disaster. Araphant mostly sees her as a way to hold Gondor to the alliance and is too busy to think more about her as a person...
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